She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
