are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
