Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
