2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's just like the Real World with babies
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
