We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
