you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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