his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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