roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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