I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
