I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
