I can text with my tongue
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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