I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
