vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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