We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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