nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
