I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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