Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
