It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
