Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
