I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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