gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
