My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
