i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
