dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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