you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
