I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
