dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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