she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
