y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
