this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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