dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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