we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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