this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
