we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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