I cannot find my penis.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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