driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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