you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
