No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
