u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
