Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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