Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We named our party play list daddy issues
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
