Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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