Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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