oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I could fuck to npr.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
