rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
