fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
