U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
