Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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