I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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