Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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