K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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