i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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