Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
