You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
