He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
