I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
