I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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