Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
