I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize