The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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