The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
