I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
