dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
