i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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