You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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