Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
