Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
