The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
