Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
