She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
